Yearly Archives: 2008

Creating a National Day

The 4th of July is really about beer and barbque these days. More so than flag waving, although this might not have been the way that the celebration of colonial independence from England started, and US flag bikinis certainly not what the founding fathers or Betty Ross imagined for the stars and stripes.

Having not been there, or in the hundred odd years since, its really hard to say.

But I am here in Qatar for the second annual assumption of Shekih Jassim: December 18th, Qatari national day. This is a rare opportunity to view nationalization in the making. The previous Qatari National day, Sept 3rd, marked the end of British rule in Qatar. No longer a ‘protectorate’, Qatar became its own soverign.

Apparently a few people felt that this gave undue attention to the British. And so now its observed on the day that the reign of the current ruling family began.

Last year, the first year that this was introduced, there was little more a public holiday. This year, the difference is palpable. There are flags hanging from nearly every  major building in the country, the maroon zigzag interrupting an otherwise white surface.

People have flags on their cars, flag lapel pins and there are a host of activities for the week including an airshow and camel and horse live displays.

The entreprenurial South Asians are on the side streets and roundabouts selling flags in all shapes and sizes to the passersby.

It’s nice to see Qataris get excited about something that isn’t commerical and to celebrate their heritage. Hopefully for them the flag will continue to be something to stand under and not behind.

That happens…

Back from a relaxing week in Goa. About the worst thing that happened in this week after the terror attacks in Mumbai was the theft of my flip flops outside of the Francis Xavier chapel. I was shocked – having been born in India and visited many Hindu temples, this has never happened to me before.

When we arrived at the church doorway and there was the familiar sight of scattered slippers, none of us knew quite what to do. My friends were suspicious of this idea immediately. Who takes shoes off at a church? Hindus who are taught from the minute they can stand that feet are dirty. In removing their shoes, those that had come to admire the church had given it the first sign of respect they knew of.

But my friends, spotting some other violators, opted to keep theirs on. My husband and I, by Asian default, meekly took ours off. He placed his shiny white Nikes (bought during our last vacation in Hawaii) in clear sight and hovered protectively over them.

My on summer sale Aerosoles, bought for an afternoon’s relief while tramping through the shopping district of New York, were not so lucky.

I felt funny about the theft – no reaction – even though everyone else was angry and wanting me to get riled up. Luckily one of our friends had an extra pair of flip flops which I put on for the rest of the afternoon.

Having full knowledge of the dozens of shoes in my closet and the hallway and downstairs by the door and these being neither my favorite nor sentimental, I couldn’t get riled up about the shoes.

And looking around at the poverty, I couldn’t blame someone for taking them.

I hope they serve their wearer well.

According to my sister and brother-in-law and Indian co-worker, this is not an unknown occurance, as I related the tale. They each in turn said, "Yes, that happens." 

Apparently this was just the first time I had worn a pair of shoes worthy of stealing.

We’re going to Goa

That’s right, despite the dire reports on the news of heightened security at Indian airports (the threat level at U.S. airports has remained at orange for several years running), and the recent macabre events in Mumbai, we are going for a week to one of the most famous beach-tourist spots in India.

I was ambivalent about this particular choice of vacation spot in October, when the choices included other places in Asia.

But now our choice has become a part of global politics – should we or shouldn’t we change our plans based on what a militant group plans? Given a choice, knowledge that something might happen, which those people in the Taj didn’t have, what should we do?

Its ironic that living in Qatar, in the seat of the Middle East, across from the shores of Iran, none of these questions have previously been brought to bear on our daily lives. In an abstract fashion maybe: as we watched the ex-pats evacuating Lebanon or heard the stories of friends fleeing the bombs of summer 2006. We nodded and said to ourselves, yes, life is precious, nothing is guaranteed, and that could be us. 

In fact, just the opposite has been true for the last three years here. Questions of "what if" are soon buried under piles of work and the mass commericalism of new Versace or Gucci shops opening up.

But these recent events in Indian have made me consider avoiding tall building or hot vacation spots. Is this a way to live? 

Instead my husband and I have decided to put into hyperdrive our constant travel policy: get your house in order, kiss your loved ones, and go. Call it fate or destiny, we’re moving on with our lives, in support of the Indian economy and the right of civilians everywhere to do what they had planned. 

Why we can’t let them change our plans

I have joined the rest of the world in watching the horror in Mumbai over the last few days; seeing flames pour out of the windows of a hotel where my brother and I had a Christmas dinner in 2005.

I join a lot of Indians, people, all over the world who are sad, angry, and dismayed, over the recent developments in one of India’s largest commercial and cultural centers.

A few friends and I were faced with questions regarding an upcoming planned vacation to west India; do we go? Or do we stay away, because many of us are American passport holders?

As the hours went on, my husband and I grew firmer in our resolve. We would continue with our plans. Because if we decide not to go, then they have won. What groups like the one controlling the twentysomething young men who attacked innocents in Mumbai want is to disrupt our lives. To make us afraid of losing the very next moment.

I believe even more strongly now in my pre-travel practices: Tell those you love, that you do. And get on with living without regrets, doing the good you can, erasing reasons for the kind of hatred that manipulates youth into carrying out heinous crimes.

Sitting in judgement

My post workout elation this morning was ruined as the instructor began a familiar dire in these parts: what’s wrong with Doha, i.e. the country of Qatar. What was particularly disturbing to me was the tone of the conversation. As you know, I’m trained in postcolonial, or in other words, to be disturbed by feelings of cultural superiority from anyone one culture towards another.

 

“I have to remind myself this is a third world country.”

 

This statement took my breath slightly away more than the previous hour of high endurance spinning had done because, as you may know, Qatar is in fact not the third world. If by third world you mean limited drinking water, access to education, electricity, or stable government.

 

Which, apparently, the instructor did not intend the label to refer to any of these developmental markers (aside: developing country is today’s parlance, not first and third worlds, as though we don’t inhabit the same planet).

 

She was referring to the fact that all the exercise clubs at the various hotels had been told there would be no exercise classes during the week of a UN conference.

 

“As though those UN types want to exercise,” someone else in the room said.

 

I suppose it didn’t occur to anyone that security was the actual reason we were being banned from these hotels – avoiding a spate of car bombings via the hotel’s exercise club was more likely the reason we were being told to reallocate our schedules.

 

There were general grumblings about lack of culture, laziness among the local population, no drive to work, few ambitions, no beauty in the landscape.

 

The woman at the bike closest to me said nothing and kept glancing at me; I could have Qatari features by some people’s standards and I knew she was trying to figure out why I was being so silent in this rampage on all things wrong with Doha.

 

“Europe has so much culture,” the instructor continued.

 

And about 300 years more history in general I so badly wanted to retort.

 

“Considering people were living here in tents thirty years ago,” another class participant said, “it will take time. Like in Malaysia. It took three generations for change.”

 

I appreciate her point and chose to ignore the reference to tent dwellers. What was anyone living in a thousand years ago? Before I could get comfortable however, the generational mark had struck a chord, and we were off for another round of remarks railing against spoiled young Qataris. 

 

 

“Well if someone gave me five million dollars, I wouldn’t be at McDonalds,” another classmate said. I could have hugged her with relief for stemming this tide that I felt swept under.

 

Everyone shared a chuckle, including me. I breathed again fully into my lungs, thanked the instructor for the class and made my way to the shower.

But why are ex-pats so critical of Qataris?

I’m still puzzling over why I was so offended.

 

Was it the self-righteousness? The dismissive admission that there were ‘some’ who weren’t like that but the majority of the nation wasn’t worth much?

 

Or perhaps what made the hairs on my neck stand up was the blatant disregard for the fact that a society in progress needs time as an essential element to aid its growth?

 

“There is no perfect society,” I had counseled a young Qatari woman over dinner the other evening. She was discontent with her family’s imposition of traditional expectations despite having allowed her to go abroad to be educated. When at home, do as the locals do. I sympathized with her, sharing stories of my own bifurcated experiences in the U.S. and returning to India to visit family.

 

Nothing is all black or white. Not people, not governments, not religion. To adopt a non-plural platform is to rid life of potential. If a Qatari went to any of the states represented in our class that morning: Malaysia, Germany (I think), some part of Scandinavia (another guess), India, or the U.S. wouldn’t there be things to complain about in spades?

 

How can people be so obtuse about this basic fact: we all live in glass houses.

 

“We’re not here for the culture,” the McDonalds commenter added, “We’re here for the money.”

This I think is the root of the issue. If the goal of modernizing a society with an eye towards empowering its young people is not made a part of the core of one’s mission here, then no amount of money will compensate for the things you feel you are missing elsewhere – whether conveniences or family members. The people who stay and thrive are those who on some level avail themselves of other opportunities – the travel, the work, or the adventure. Unfortunately there don’t seem to be enough people in this category.

 

I must confess I was on the verge of saying what the Qataris themselves often say:

 

“If you don’t like it here, then go home.”

 

“I have to remind myself this is a third world country.”

 

This statement took my breath slightly away more than the previous hour of high endurance spinning had done because, as you may know, Qatar is in fact not the third world. If by third world you mean limited drinking water, access to education, electricity, or stable government.

 

Which, apparently, the instructor did not intend the label to refer to any of these developmental markers (aside: developing country is today’s parlance, not first and third worlds, as though we don’t inhabit the same planet).

 

She was referring to the fact that all the exercise clubs at the various hotels had been told there would be no exercise classes during the week of a UN conference.

 

“As though those UN types want to exercise,” someone else in the room said.

 

I suppose it didn’t occur to anyone that security was the actual reason we were being banned from these hotels – avoiding a spate of car bombings via the hotel’s exercise club was more likely the reason we were being told to reallocate our schedules.

 

There were general grumblings about lack of culture, laziness among the local population, no drive to work, few ambitions, no beauty in the landscape.

 

The woman at the bike closest to me said nothing and kept glancing at me; I could have Qatari features by some people’s standards and I knew she was trying to figure out why I was being so silent in this rampage on all things wrong with Doha.

 

“Europe has so much culture,” the instructor continued.

 

And about 300 years more history in general I so badly wanted to retort.

 

“Considering people were living here in tents thirty years ago,” another class participant said, “it will take time. Like in Malaysia. It took three generations for change.”

 

I appreciate her point and chose to ignore the reference to tent dwellers. What was anyone living in a thousand years ago? Before I could get comfortable however, the generational mark had struck a chord, and we were off for another round of remarks railing against spoiled young Qataris. 

 

 

“Well if someone gave me five million dollars, I wouldn’t be at McDonalds,” another classmate said. I could have hugged her with relief for stemming this tide that I felt swept under.

 

Everyone shared a chuckle, including me. I breathed again fully into my lungs, thanked the instructor for the class and made my way to the shower.

But why are ex-pats so critical of Qataris?

I’m still puzzling over why I was so offended.

 

Was it the self-righteousness? The dismissive admission that there were ‘some’ who weren’t like that but the majority of the nation wasn’t worth much?

 

Or perhaps what made the hairs on my neck stand up was the blatant disregard for the fact that a society in progress needs time as an essential element to aid its growth?

 

“There is no perfect society,” I had counseled a young Qatari woman over dinner the other evening. She was discontent with her family’s imposition of traditional expectations despite having allowed her to go abroad to be educated. When at home, do as the locals do. I sympathized with her, sharing stories of my own bifurcated experiences in the U.S. and returning to India to visit family.

 

Nothing is all black or white. Not people, not governments, not religion. To adopt a non-plural platform is to rid life of potential. If a Qatari went to any of the states represented in our class that morning: Malaysia, Germany (I think), some part of Scandinavia (another guess), India, or the U.S. wouldn’t there be things to complain about in spades?

 

How can people be so obtuse about this basic fact: we all live in glass houses.

 

“We’re not here for the culture,” the McDonalds commenter added, “We’re here for the money.”

This I think is the root of the issue. If the goal of modernizing a society with an eye towards empowering its young people is not made a part of the core of one’s mission here, then no amount of money will compensate for the things you feel you are missing elsewhere – whether conveniences or family members. The people who stay and thrive are those who on some level avail themselves of other opportunities – the travel, the work, or the adventure. Unfortunately there don’t seem to be enough people in this category.

 

I must confess I was on the verge of saying what the Qataris themselves often say:

 

“If you don’t like it here, then go home.”

 

No longer a “white” house

If you’ve seen the email forward of the guy on the bike, riding through traffic, on the back of his t shirt is the slogan "It’s called a white house for a reason" then you know some of the fallout from the election results.

People are justifiably upset by this slogan and it’s racist underpinnings.

I think the statement needs more credit. The slogan is true because the mentality behind it has held true. It has been a white house for 43 presidencies. And people have been used to thinking of it as a white man’s job.

Guess what? 

No longer!

The newest accessory?

Lately it seems that if you are without a child and a woman between the age of 25 – 25 then you’re society’s newest oddity. This is a funny realization because I qualify in this category, but more so because for most of the last seven years I qualified in another equally condemed status: single woman, no prospect on the horizon.

Why does society still think that we women are so strang outside of the house, on our own, without husbands or little hands gripping our skirts?

I understand this mentality in rural places all over the world But among the educated middle class of the rest of the world, why do we insist on putting these traditional expectations on women, but still sending them to school and out into the workforce.

If, as was my case, a woman wants to have these things but hasn’t found the right person and so instead of dropping into a deep depression carries on with her goals and ambitions, why do we make her feel like it isn’t enough until she has that husband? And then suggest that he isn’t happy without little ones?

I am now watching dear friends struggle through the barren landscape of modern dating – juggling the twin pressures of success and romantic expectations for women – it i a scary thing. I am excited for my friends with expanding families. The arrival of the first baby, then the second, the increasingly common navigation of the sadness of miscarriage. This is my role as a friend; to rejoice when she rejoices, to be sad when she is sad. But the chasm seems to widen as discussions of serving sizes, parenting strategies, ‘play dates’ encroaches.

How come we aren’t more supportive of the decisions that each individual woman makes?
Is it true, as my trainer says, that if you don’t have kids, you’re left out?
Why?

Americans are so nice

I’m currently on a cultural exchange trip with students from my university visiting a woman’s college in the United States. Over our arrival weekend as students from our host campus tooks us around the city.

The conversation between my students was fascinating.

"Everyone in America is so nice," they were saying, after a five hour layover in Dulles airport and a trip to the North Carolina state fair.

During a presentation during a Middle East history class at the state university in Raleigh, I could see the wheels turning all around the classroom as the American students took in the perfect English, confident poses, and professionally constructed Powerpoint presented by my students.

It was news to them that other people had negative stereotypes of Americans.

"Like what?" a female student wanted to know during the Q and A.

Her surprise and question is a reminder of how important exchanges like this are, for both sides.

It’s happened to me…

When I was an undergraduate student, two of my favorite faculty would always ask me to help them with their cell phones. Setting up their  voice mail, retrieving messages, finding missed calls. This was over eight years ago and long before SMS had made it to the US. So my tasks were pretty minor.

I used to chuckle after one of these sessions – those hilarious technophobes. One an English professor, the other in history, I was amused.

But then today, after a writing workshop with one of my former students, I found myself pulling out my phone and asking her how to do a few things that I hadn’t managed to figure out since my husband gifted it to me for my PhD graduation.

I did the same thing my two favorites did for a few years (and still do sometimes) I asked her to do for me those things I found technologically confusing – delete all my sent messages in one go, instead of one at a time. Copy all my contacts from the phone to the SIM card.

Goes to show – none of us can keep up with technology but the young ones – what  goes around, comes around!

(PS, still pondering the self censorship issue…)

Controversy or commentary?

Yes, it’s come to that. I’ve found a topic to write about that is interesting to me but potentially harmful to some of my friendships or the image people have of me. It’s a subject that some of you might agree with and others feel alienated. For the first time in my brief year as a blogger, I am contemplating self censorship.

So I ask you, reader, what shall we do? Should we get into it? Or should we keep our focus on the election.

While I await your response, a few thoughts on the last 18 days of this ‘race’.

I read an article a while ago, when Hillary was still heavy into the primary run off, that said, "Yes, marriage is hard, but not that marriage [again]" in the White House. The author presented, very effectively, that while every marriage has issues, it seemed many people had objections to the Clintons because of their well known ones. I thought the author was fair to Bill and Hillary and pointed out that in our flaws, we share what is most human.

Here’s my thought in the same vein:

Yes, a woman VP would be exciting. But this woman? Really?

(Shall we or won’t we get into the nitty gritty of my issue above? I wait to hear from you!)

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